What kind of weapon is a programming language?

Inspired from this post I tried to create something funny on my own. If your favorite programming language were a weapon, what weapon it would be?


Java is a Rocket Launcher. It packs a deadly blow, blasting away any problem that gets in the way. You cannot wield this weapon without great strength. And if you are not careful enough it will blow you away when it recoils.


Perl is the Swiss Army Knife, the all purpose weapon of the MacGyver programmer. With this in his pocket, he is capable of building any complex tool, solving any problem, surviving any situation.


Murphy’s Law redefined: “When you have a PHP hammer in hand, every Web app looks like a nail.” It’s cheap, easy to use and it gets the job done!


Invented by the Japanese, Ruby is the blade of honor of Samurai programmers. Followers of the code of pure object-orientation, there is no challenge big enough for these guys.


C is the Lightsaber, the classic weapon carried by Jedi programmers. It can cut through solid metal making the impossible to possible, and even deflect blaster fires to save your neck. If you fall to Dark Side, you can do damage with it.


JavaScript is a Sub Machine Gun. The unique weapon of the commando programmer, who is summoned to fight in the closed quarters of client-side development. His ultimate nemesis: Internet Explorer!


33 thoughts on “What kind of weapon is a programming language?

  1. You should mention Python also. Can’t imagine what the weapon will look like, but I guess it would be more like Swiss Army Knife.

  2. Python is the lightsaber (“an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.”), C is an endless armory (think Matrix).

  3. C – a piece of plutonium, some assembly required for it to be a weapon, may kill you if your not careful. alternatively the AK-47
    Python – lightsaber or telekenesis death grip or orbital ion cannon
    Perl – swiss army knife is good, ever tried killing professionally using only a swiss army knife? perfect perl analogy
    C# – the mammoth tank from CnC
    Java – the death star

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  5. @Roger why don’t you suggest what PL/SQL would be?

    @Peter I guess I’m no weapon expert. 🙂 Anyways Java should be something big and heavy that also recoils, any ideas? How about canons?

  6. Well, rubayeet…. I’d say a M198 howitzer. Reason:

    “It might be difficult to deploy based on compared to functionality provided by other languages, but when its in place, it ensures it covers the ground it commands, and other languages has to just wait for its go ahead to pass by…..”

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  8. Pretty fine post. I just digg your website and wanted to say that i have really loved reading your websites.Any way I will be subscribing on the rss and I hope you posting again soon.

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  10. Assembler is a pain to load or clean, but when it does fire, it releases 20,000 perfectly-guided micro-missiles.

    Java’s nice, but any weapon that pauses for garbage collection during a battle has a design flaw. 🙂

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  12. Howdy! This blog post could not be written any better!
    Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He always kept talking about this. I’ll forward this information to him. Fairly certain he’s
    going to have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  13. Erlang: A squadron of self-repairing UAVs.

    It’ll take you a few decades of RnD to figure out how to weaponize them but when you do, they’ll pretty much do the killing for you.

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